ZACH BROUSSARD
COMEDIAN / ACTOR / FUN DUDE
Watch my stand-up!- Twitter!
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- Upcoming Shows!
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Watch my stand-up!
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Tweets
- Crazy to think Ron Jeremy had a pet named Ron and once lived on Jeremy Street.
- RT @aboveaverage: Prove how not racist you are and join the new #Kickstarter revolution, Thingstarter: http://t.co/F89Az6JqSR #comedyweekMay 23, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- The best case scenario for an orgy is only two people showing up and then they get to have normal human sex.
- Hey Renaissance Faire - the Middle Ages called and they want to know how phones work
- Spin Doctors Without Spin BordersMay 23, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- RT @nanglish: Weird how at the end of The Hangover 3 it says "dedicated to the memory of our biggest fan Christopher Dorner."May 23, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- RT @SamBrown42069: I wish i was seen as the solo human Daft Punk of comedy but I know in reality i am just the chubby New Radicals of couch…May 23, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- stoked for the new iTunes downloadMay 23, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- A heads up: If it looks like I'm thinking I'm farting.
- The upside of only being in Fast & Furious movies is Paul Walker gets to grow a sweet beard in between films.
- RT @madalynbaldanzi: @vaov and @ZachBroussard star in this video I wrote, they're really excellent in it, you're gonna wanna check it out: …
- Yahoo buying Tumblr is a dad rocking Beats by Dre
- It takes two great actors to Tango & Cash
- Lil Jon is 41, so I'm calling him Jonathan.
- I want to write a joke about philosophy that's MORE MEANINGFUL than a pun, but just Kant do it.
- I bet nothing smells worse than Mike O'Malley's hat.
- Boys will be boys!!!!!!(unless they want to be girls, which is totally cool with me because I'm a progressive man)!!!!!!!!!
- I get free drinks at every stand-up show I do. So if you see me on the streets smelling like booze - THAT'S THE SMELL OF SUCCESS .
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Posts
I’m in this fake Kickstarter video made by Above Average for YouTube’s Comedy Week. It was written by The Bilderbergers and directed by Ben Weinstein.
- Special Presentation | 4/22 | UCB EAST | $5
Our 4/22 Special Presentation show at UCB East has an AMAZING LINE-UP
We just finalized our line-up for the 4/22 show. OH BOY!
Stand-up from NIKKI GLASER!
An A/V presentation from MICHAEL KUPPERMAN, the cartoonist and illustrator behind the amazing Tales Designed to Thrizzle!
And music from THE MAYOR OF BAD NEWS!
And of course, there will be videos and comedy from hosts Nate Fernald, Nick Maritato, Zach Broussard and Randy Foreman. - Next Special Presentation - April 22nd | 8pm | UCB East
The next Special Presentation is shaping up to be great. Expect this:
Jokes and things from the author of The Petraeus Files and all-around Twitter champion TED TRAVELSTEAD!
And music from THE MAYOR OF BAD NEWS!
We’re still adding to the line-up, too, so it’s gonna be great.
THE AFRIENDGERS! Please don’t ask me how long I spent making this VERY RELEVANT piece of artwork.
I’m gonna start sharing jokes right from the notebook. Here’s the first. - @ZachBroussard
I did the “Joke of the Week” in this week’s Time Out New York. Remember, kids, sometimes a simple little tweet can go on to great things.
Happy Holidays from the Broussard-Iampietro-Mochi Family!
Merry Catmas, and a Happy New Meow!
- My Dad... THE GHOST!
I was a boy who could see through the physical world, deep into its supernatural core. I was only boy curious about the world’s mysterious side. The only boy willing to question the possibilities of the paranormal. If mermaids exist, are there creatures with human legs and the upper bodies of a fish? Are Albanians werewolves? Is it possible the woman screaming in that alleyway wasn’t a banshee, but just a regular human lady in trouble?
I spent my childhood tirelessly searching for the supernatural, but one Halloween night the supernatural came to me. That was the night my daddy turned into a spooky ghost.
My father, before turning into a ghost, was an alchemist who drove himself insane by mixing potion after potion from tinted bottles labeled spirits. He would pour them into the tiniest little beakers and test them the concoctions on himself.
After several hours of tasting his potions and yelling at an episode of Roseanne, he became possessed by his very own spirits. Just like ghosts in movies, he could no longer grab things. Finally he began to speak to me in tongues, in an presumably ancient language, “I NEVVOR WANDED AEEE SAWN.”
By the next morning my father had completely turned into a ghost, and was never visible again. Not only was he gone, but his truck and some of my mother’s jewelry had also turned into ghosts.
Being the son of a ghost was tough, but I always knew my father was still around, haunting our old house. I remember one night, while my mother cried about overdue bills, I noticed the room had suddenly gotten colder. He was there, watching over us.
My mom tried seances to connect with my father’s spirit. On several occasions, she took a paranormal investigator named Gill into her room with a bunch of candles. No matter how many times they locked themselves in that room and screamed and screamed, my father never turned up.
Two years passed. And after years of my mom screaming in that bedroom with so many different paranormal investigators, it seemed my father had finally left the physical world for good. Or so I thought.
That Halloween, two years after my father turned into a ghost, he returned to me by possessing other bodies around me. It started with the possession of my sweet dog Sandy. My mother, planning another one of her seances, brought home a paranormal investigator named Tyrone. Sandy was normally very calm, but she barked and attacked Tyrone. I immediately knew it was my dad, the ghost.
After a few months, however, Sandy took a liking to Tyrone and I couldn’t help but ask my mom.
“How come Dad doesn’t bark at Tyrone anymore?” She seemed startled by the question.
After a long pause, my mom confirmed all of my suspicions and admitted my father was possessing bodies. She looked me in the eyes and she said, “Tyrone is your father now.”
That’s the story of how my dad became a ghost. And while I miss watching him drinking those potions in front our old TV, I know he’s still with me. In fact, on nights like tonight, if I put my ear on the door of my parent’s room and listen really hard, I can still hear my dad, who’s currently possessing a black man named Tyrone, scream. - MITT NOM NOM NOMNEY: 7 Photos of Robot Mitt Romney Eating Human Food
Mitt Romney has worked tirelessly to prove one thing: that he’s a human just like you and me. But if you look close, and I mean really close, you can see that Mitt is exactly like Honda’s ASIMO, just another white robot. Here’s some of the top photos of Mitt munching on what he once accidentally called humanoid energy paste.
7. People are only laughing because Mitt keeps missing his mouth.
6. Ask yourself: Have I ever seen a human this nervous around fried chicken?
5. Most incriminating evidence that Mitt Romney is a robot - he eats at Subway.
4. It’s totally okay for human men to eat ice cream cones, but to hang out with shirtless boys? Robot, maybe. Creep, DEFINITELY.
3. Classic “Robot Doesn’t Understand Normal Human Serving Size” Scenario
2. Stupid robot, you’re holding that burger UPSIDE DOWN!
1. HUMANS DON’T EAT THEIR YOUNG, MITT!
If you’re as scared of science as I am, you knew it was only a matter of time before a sentient robot masquerading as a human ran for president. And while I’ll be the first to admit the “being Mormon” cover is a brilliant tactic to disguise faulty programming, it’s clear the creators of Mitt Romney still have a long way to go before fooling real flesh and blood humans like you and me.Oh and Mitt… here’s how a real human eats chicken…
- Kreayshawn's Best Gifs
Kreayshawn has a gift for Tumblr. If you’re not following her, you should be. Here are some of the best gifs she’s ever posted.
Shark eating dolphin
Kreayshawn blowing smoke
Hamburgers kissing
Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion
Neon Cat Crying
Old white dude bobbing his head
Ghetto express
Space lady
Comic Girl
Welcome to the Dollhouse
Zombie Hand
Melty Pizza
Get a first look at the iPhone 5 with the most excited reviewer on the Internet.
Virginia is for lovers?
Well then, I guess Mars is for rovers.
Idea by @ZachBroussard
Both versions available on redbubble. With Rover | With Mars
I came up with the shirt idea and Josh Mirman designed it. SPACE!
Taylor Moore, Morgan Evans and I made our own Aaron Sorkin Supercut
Buddies! - A Supercut
Hey, do you remember that Aaron Sorkin Supercut that showed him reusing the same dialogue in all his movies and TV shows? You do? Good. Because otherwise this thing I made with Morgan Evans and Zach Broussard wouldn’t make any sense to you.
From the makers of Battleship and Reel Steel comes another board game movie. Written and directed by Mary Iampietro (@MaryIampietro) and myself (@ZachBroussard).
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Upcoming Shows!
- LOS ANGELES6/14 - Peachy Keen @ Bar Lubitsch (8PM)6/13 - Josh & Josh Show @ Bar Lubitsch (8PM)6/10 - Tiger Lilly @ Hollywood Studio Bar (8PM)NEW YORK CITY6/7 - Special Presentation @ UCB East (Midnight)6/6 - Fresh Out @ UCB East (9PM)5/29 - Cheeseball @ Don Pedro's (8PM)5/28 - Big Shrink @ UCB East (8PM)4/22 - Special Presentation @ UCB East (8PM)4/15 - Comedy Central Corporate Retreat @ UCB East (8PM)4/12 - Dog and Pony Show @ UCB East (7:30PM)4/10 - MTV Showcase @ Webster Hall (8PM)4/4 - Lasers In The Jungle @ UCB East (7:30PM)3/18 - DTF @ Grand Victory (8PM)3/10 - Show & Tell @ Ella Lounge (8PM)3/8 - Comedy Rush @ Village Lantern (8PM)3/3 - Sunday Night Stand-up @ Three of Cups (8PM)2/27 - MTV Showcase @ Webster Hall (8PM)2/26 - Just For Laughs Showcase @ Broadway Comedy Club (9PM)2/25 - Stone and Stone Show @ The PIT (8PM)2/23 - It's A Long Story @ UCB East (Midnight)2/23 - Dream Show @ Comedy Bar (8PM)2/21 - Pig Pile @ The Creek (8PM)2/5 - Afterlife @ Sidewalk Cafe (8PM)1/31 - CSL @ Kabin (9PM)1/31 - Warm-up for Running Late w/ Scott Rogowsky @ Galapagos (8PM)1/29 - Comedy Show @ Alligator Lounge (9PM)1/29 - Captain Howdy Comedy Hour @ Saint Vitus (8:30PM)1/26 - Late NIght Trash @ UCB (MIDNIGHT)1/24 - The Big Thursday Show @ The Comedy Bar (8PM)1/22 - Crime & Punishment @ Cake Shop (8PM)1/17 - Pig Pile @ The Creek (9:30PM)1/15 - Dan Joe and Charles Show @ The Creek (8PM)1/14 - Unmanageable @ UCB East (11PM)1/14 - Maude Night @ UCB Theater (9:30PM)12/20 - Pig Pile @ The Creek (9:30PM)12/13 - What Is This? @ Castlebraid (9PM)12/12 - Famous Last Words @ Grisley Pear (8PM)12/11 - Cheap Date @ Union Hall (7:30PM)
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Make Contact!
